A Trainful of Realization….
Updated: Apr 6, 2022
While on the train to the Siberian Gulag I could all but think of the way I had treated people and could only reflect on the way my life was before that faithful night when I had murdered my wife for a reason unknown to me. My life was hell and could only be compared to the compounds of chaos. I had never been thankful and I only dreamt of more and more. This turned my friendships, relationships and my marriage awry such that I was alone in a world feeling only one thing-GREED, I was a part of those few who were stuck trying to ascend to the top of the mountain known as work for all were consumed by the undying desire for being at the peak.
My ever increasing list of dreams only added incurable or unresolvable turmoil to my life. I would work night and day, day and night sweating it all out in dreams of a 7 digit salary, a corner office and the coveted title next to my name. I destroyed a life full of love and friendships for 3 materialistic things!
My life used to be a whirlwind of hurry with my mind body and soul having had crossed the limits of endurance and patience with the ever increasing dreams of success pushing me further and further. This endless frenzy caused me to forget the wife I had once loved, had once proposed and once stood beside at the altar. Since then those short lived moments of love were to never come back save for my greed and frantic pace. Keeping up this pace wouldn’t have been possible without starting to drink. The moment that evil seeped into my life there was no turning back for me and no scope for course correction left. Drinking caused me to be inebriated most of the time and this ended up degrading my work the one thing that I had spent and sacrificed my entire life on. The elixir which I had hoped to be of help in improving my work and my pace had ironically performed the opposite by bringing it crashing down along with all my dreams, ambitions and hopes.
Those various unknown faces backed by diverse backgrounds and cultures were all united by one common thread, the thread of crime, and I ,a fool, too was forever entangled in that thread, never to break free again.
By this point I had lost all chance for my ambitions being fulfilled for which I had sacrificed everything abstemious and real. I was a sinking ship who was also pulling the loved ones around down with them. My ever hectic pace had slowed down only to be compensated by an increasing drinking habit, I was an alcoholic ten times over. Life was the same for everyday was full of unrewarding work and drinking until that fateful day when I stabbed my wife in the back in an intoxicated drunk condition without sense or purpose. That face innocent sober and full of childish love had gone cold and white, white as sheet, that faithful moment. This cold dark picture is forever embedded into my mind such that looking at it reminds me of a life destroyed and true love forgone. That moment my hands were shivering with rage, guilty tears dropping from my eyes and I for the last and final time remembered and felt that love once so strong and unbreakable that was now forever dead.
Soon enough I passed out from shock only to wake up to a background of blurring landscape and a train carriage full of unknown faces. Waking up in that train on my way to the Siberian Gulags for the horrific murder committed by me I had my first of many succeeding realizations. Those various unknown faces backed by diverse backgrounds and cultures were all united by one common thread, the thread of crime, and I ,a fool, too was forever entangled in that thread, never to break free again.